Lessons for the Yaoi, Shounen ai Writer
by Raidne
Summary: Goten and Juunana-gou are roped into teaching a class for writers of yaoi and shounen-ai. Things do not turn out the way they were expected to.
1. Lesson: Flames

Disclaimer: I do not own nor have I ever owned Dragon ball/Z/GT or any of its characters. They belong to Akira Toriyama. I am making no money from writing this.

Author's Notes: I have decided to try my hand at a humor fic. Be afraid, be very afraid. Let me know how I do. I wrote this fic a while ago and decided to post it. Please review. I have also recently received a new e-mail account (hopefully more reliable then my old one), so if you would like to e-mail me you are more then welcome to.

This story was written for purely humorous reasons and the comments should be taken with a grain of salt.

Warnings: As you can see by the title there will be shounen-ai in this fic. (I hate these stupid warnings.) There will also be a bit of language.

Lessons for the Yaoi/Shounen-ai Writer

By: Raidne the Silent Siren

A boy with spiky black hair stands in front of a classroom. He's talking into a cell phone in a hurried voice. Behind him there is a chalkboard on which someone has written. The scrawling writing and various bubbly letters indicate there were several someones. The sayings and comments include: 'Slash Writers Unite!', 'Truten forever!', and 'If I can't have him no girl will!' In the dead center of the board it says: Lessons for the Yaoi/Shounen-ai Writer.

Goten continues to shout into his cell phone. "Bra! I swear I thought you knew!" He waves his arms over his head dramatically, even though the person on the other end can't see him.

The door to the classroom swings open and in walks a boy with shoulder length black hair and piercing blue eyes. He takes one look at Goten and rolls his eyes. He promptly walks over and pulls the phone out of the bewildered saiyan's hand and turns it off.

Goten just stares at the intruder dumbly for a moment before he explodes. "Why the hell did you do that Juunana?!"

Juunana raises an eyebrow in annoyance, "It's 5:00."

"So?!"

"We were supposed to teach a class on how to be better hentais or something and you haven't started yet," Juunana says in bored tones.

Goten blinks at him. "Ah crap," he said and slaps a hand over his eyes. Then he turns hesitantly to face the classroom. Several faces gaze back. He takes a deep breath, silently curses the author for putting him into this position, before beginning. "As many of you know, I am Son Goten and this is Juunana-gou," he motions to the android who is looking around uninterestedly.

"We will be teaching a class today for Yaoi and Shounen-ai authors," he leans back against the desk at the front of the room as he speaks. "This class is mostly to help inform the novices and a bit of a review for the veterans."

"Yeah, you can reintegrate yourself with slogans such as: 'I'm not sick, I'm special'," Juunana says flatly. He has moved back so he is leaning against a wall beside the chalkboard. He's playing one-handed catch with Goten's kidnapped cell phone at the moment.

"Why exactly are you here?" Goten asks, shooting a glance at the android.

"_Because I wrote him into this fic_," a voice says. The mysterious voice seems to be coming from the ceiling.

"Who are you?" Goten shouts at an air vent.

"_I'm the person who decides if you will end up in an affair with Vegeta, that's who_," the voice goes on to say, "_Now shut up and get back to the class_."

"I shall follow your instructions, oh mutant of the air vent," Goten says still staring at the wondrous metal grid. Everyone in the class sweat drops.

"One lesson every writer has to learn is how to deal with flames," he says as he apparently comes back to himself.

"I've found reducing their home to rubble usually takes care of the problem," Juunana said. The look on his face says he's serious and various students slowly inch away from him deciding the view just isn't worth risking life and limb.

Goten sweat drops. "They should probably try less violent means." Clearing his throat he tries to continue with the lesson plan. "There are several ways to deal with the persistent flamer. One is to just ignore them." Juunana snorts derisively and ignores the glare Goten sends him. "Another is to just laugh them off. Some people find if fun to go through the flame and mock the various spelling errors. You could send a polite reply. It tends to throw them off a little."

"You're forgetting flame wars," Juunana says. Goten turns to speak, probably to scold Juunana again, but is cut off by the high-pitched ringing of his cell phone. His cell phone still happens to be in Juunana's hand. Goten begins trying to snatch the phone back from the android's grip. Juunana quirks an eyebrow and, against Goten's attempts, answers it.

"Hello," he says smoothly. He watches in amusement as Goten's arms fall to his sides in defeat.

"He's a little busy right now," he says after a pause where we can assume the person on the other side has spoken. "Yeah he's in the back getting a lap dance at the moment," Juunana says with a smirk.

Goten's face pales and he makes a grab for the phone. He's unsuccessful. Juunana easily dodges him and keeps his head cocked to the side as he listens to the other person talk. "Uh huh, sure, I'll be happy to tell him. It might be a while though." He then clicks the phone closed and hands it over to a sputtering Goten.

"Trunks said that if you don't meet him at the restaurant, the one you were supposed to be at half an hour ago, within the next ten minutes, you're through," Juunana says. His voice was so monotone he might as well have been reciting a grocery list instead of letting a boy know there was a very good chance he was about to be dumped.

Goten glances at his watch quickly. All the blood has drained from his face. "Crap!" is all that is heard, besides the initial sonic boom, as he runs out of the room in a burst of speed leaving several papers to fly in his wake.

"That was…interesting," Juunana says looking at the door that was pulled from its hinges by an agitated Goten. It takes a few moments for all the strands of his silky black hair to settle back around his face.

"_Damn it! I need two people to teach the class_."

The dark haired android turns his attention temporarily to the ceiling, "I'm sure someone is free. Try Mirai Trunks."

"_Not a bad idea_."

Just like that Mirai Trunks materializes at the front of the classroom. It was a bit of shock for everyone. The shock probably wasn't so much from the fact that he had just appeared, rather than he had just appeared wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and another towel that he had been drying his long, lavender hair with. He must have just gotten out of the shower when he had been transported. (A few of the female students were cursing the fact that he hadn't gotten there just a few moments earlier.) 

He was still working on his hair when something (probably a draft) alerted him to the fact something was wrong. He cracks one eye open and slowly turns to where he can see the entire class. The other eye opens. He stares in mute horror at all the people who had managed to see him in this state of undress. A furiously red blush works its way up his face and to his lavender hairline.

Since the hungry looks on some of the students' faces was unnerving him so much it was probably for the best that he hadn't turned and seen the look in Juunana's eyes. Juunana was looking Mirai up and down with a predatory gleam in his eyes.

Juunana turned to the classroom, his smirk promised a painful death for anyone who didn't listen to what he was about to say. 

"Class dismissed."

The End

Author's Notes: Is it just me or does anyone else think that Mirai is going to be held after school for a private meeting?

Remember to review!


	2. Lesson: Gender

Disclaimer: I do not own nor have I ever owned Dragonball/Z/GT or any of its characters. They belong to Akira Toriyama. I am making no money from writing this.

Author's Notes: Yeah, I know I should be working on Tomorrow Never Knows but I hadn't written humor in a while and I needed some type of release so I could relax. Since I still had a few ideas for the fic I thought I would add another chapter. This was fun to write. I'm so mean to these guys.

Remember to review and let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is accepted and flames will amuse me.

Warnings: Mature humor, Immature humor, Language, and Anime type violence.

Lessons for the Yaoi/Shounen-ai Writer

Raidne the Silent Siren

Lesson: 2

Mirai Trunks paces back in forth in front of the classroom. He's wearing his usual black, loose pants and shirt. His jacket is gone much to the gratitude of the students that were currently drooling into their socks. (The jacket had been cool but now they had an uninhibited view of his arms.) The chalkboard behind him has been wiped clean except for the words: Lessons for the Yaoi/Shounen-ai Writer. Mirai wears an agitated expression as he checks the clock for the umpteenth time in the past ten minutes.

One of the students raises her hand timidly. Mirai makes a tired noise in his throat and nods his head to her to speak. "Mr. Mirai Trunks sir, when will class be starting? It's already passed 5:00." The girl who asked the question does her best to ignore the vicious glares being directed at her. They had been enjoying watching the walking piece of eye candy and would rather keep doing so.

"I guess we'll have to start without him," Mirai mutters to himself as he turns back to the class. "Welcome to Lessons for the Yaoi and/or Shounen-ai Writer. I'm Mirai Trunks and I'm going to be your teacher today. You can call me Mirai for short."

A loud sigh is shared by most of the female students. At this time I would like to point out that the entire class, minus the teacher, was made up of females.

Mirai blushes slightly at the sudden attention he finds himself receiving. He moves his head slightly to cause the lavender tresses that escaped his ponytail to fall over his face. It was probably meant to hide the blush but all it did was make things worse as cries of 'Kawaii' and 'Sexy' could be heard. His blush quickly deepens. 

He opens his mouth to say something when the door to the classroom flies open and bangs against the wall loudly as it does so. In walks a young man that looks like, but totally different from the other young man already in front of the class. His hair was shorter, his skin paler, and his muscles smaller. This is the present Trunks. Sighs are heard throughout the room. Some grumble of how he is nothing compared the futuristic incarnation. Some just remain silent so the don't get jumped by rapid Trunks fan girls. Each of these girls has their attack stories and scars to share and would rather avoid repeats. A small knot of loyal Juunana fan girls have united in a back corner and are burying their misery that the bandannaed one isn't present.

"You're late," Mirai says simply. His arms are crossed across his chest and he's glaring at his tardy co-teacher.

Trunks hoists a briefcase onto the desk at the front of the room and sighs in exhaustion as he drops into the swivel chair behind it. "I've just come from two share holders' meetings and had to switch cars five times to avoid reporters. It was unavoidable."

"Reporters?" Mirai asks in surprise.

"Yeah, there was no way in hell I'm letting it get out that I've been roped into teaching a class like this," Trunks says with an air of finality. He props his head up with one hand and begins to glance around the classroom in a bored fashion.

Mirai narrows his eyes and says sarcastically, "Yes, and this is exactly how I wanted to spend my day."

Trunks doesn't acknowledge the sarcasm. He just sits at the desk and stares at the students suspiciously for a few moments. For some reason he even shoots a worried look at the air vent in the ceiling. "What lesson are we supposed to be teaching today anyway?"

"That shounen-ai and yaoi mean that both people are male," Mirai sounds like he is quoting from some sort of handbook. He also looks miserable. He obviously doesn't want to be here.

Trunks looks perplexed, "Wouldn't the author already know that?"

"I think we're supposed to bring light to how some authors tend to write yaoi or the like and then will have one of the main male characters break out into tears for no apparent or explainable reason when they would never do such a thing in real life," he says. He doesn't sound like a handbook now and Trunks looks at him suspiciously.

"You sound like you know what you're talking about," Trunks says slowly. He keeps his eyes on Mirai.

Mirai looks like he's going to be sick. "I was faxed."

"Faxed what?"

"Fics about Dad," Mirai hesitates, "and Gokou." He stares at the floor. He continues to look miserable.

Trunks just stares at him. His mouth was open from a few failed attempts at speech and he hasn't closed it yet. "Who would…How…Why…?" Turning his attention to his briefcase he rallies his thoughts. Then he asks the all-important question. "Does Dad know?"

"Have you felt any massive shockwaves or heard of unexplained disasters lately?" Mirai asks mildly.

"No."

"Then Dad doesn't know." Mirai released a sigh and raises his head to peer at the class. He had almost forgotten that he had something he had to do. "Ok. If you have two guys who are dating each other in your fic and neither show many emotions around people on normal occasions it is best to keep them in character and not have one of them suddenly begin weeping over things that would normally have set them off on a murderous rampage."

"Excuse me but shouldn't I be the one who teaches this subject?" Trunks speaks up. He has apparently gotten over the trauma he took a few moments earlier.

"Why?" Mirai asks, confused. A few more sighs are heard along with the exclamation that he reminds someone of a confused puppy. No one asked.

"You're not exactly someone who should be teaching this particular subject," Trunks said spreading his hands out in front of him.

"What gives you that idea?" Mirai says heatedly. He obviously doesn't like where this is going. Some of the students don't appear to like it either because a few begin to edge towards the door. A few of the students have decided to risk it. After all, how often to you get a chance to be in a room with both of these guys.

"Well, from what I heard, Juunana had you bent over a desk-"

"Burning Attack!"

**********

Meanwhile, in another part of the building…

"I have a twenty riding on Mirai Trunks."

"Pass the popcorn."

"Shouldn't you be rescuing your boyfriend?"

"No. I'm still mad at him for listening to you."

"Yeah. He should have known better."

Goten and Juunana sat in a room full of monitors and computers. Both are watching one monitor in particular as a bright light slowly fades a way and the picture returns. Security cameras weren't meant to pick up high-powered ki attacks or super saiyan power-ups clearly.

"It's funny. I never thought Mirai would be that quick to violence," Goten says as he reaches for a handful of popcorn from the bucket that Juunana is holding.

"Perhaps my presence has been a bad influence on him." Juunana sits in one of the chairs with his feet resting on the desk in front of him. He pays no attention to the fact that his feet are actually resting on the keyboard and are repeatedly typing the same letters over and over again.

"Mirai seemed upset by the fics," Goten observes as he turns from watching the monitor. The sound has now been turned off. On screen, present day Trunks flies/is thrown through a wall.

"Yeah. I got rid of them." He smirks oddly and Goten decides against asking what Juunana did with them.

A muffled thud can be heard behind them. Neither budges. "What did you do with the security guards?"

"Tossed them in a closet. Sounds like their almost conscious again."

Goten raises an eyebrow, "So you didn't just kill them?"

"You sound disappointed. I thought causing needless harm went against the Son genetic makeup."

Goten shakes his head. "That's not what I meant." He stops shaking his head and looks a little amused. "Mirai Trunks must be rubbing off on you."

"Take that back," Juunana says. He decides to save the dirty joke that came to mind for later.

Goten turns back to look at the monitor. Seeing that the classroom is now completely empty except a few scorch marks along the walls and floor and the fact one wall was completely gone, he decided it was time to find and patch up whatever was left of his boyfriend.

Before he leaves though he gave voice to an observation he had made. "Personally I thought you would have made a better girl than Trunks." This was perhaps the stupidest thing he had ever said or done or would ever do.

Juunana went very still and slowly, very slowly turned his head to regard him. His eyes had gone very cold. In that brief moment of eye contact Goten tossed any preconceived notions of Mirai Trunks being a good influence on the android out of his head. Then Juunana began to speak, very slowly and quietly. It was only one word but it was the one action that Goten so wanted to do. "Run."

**********

The Next Day at Capsule Corp…

"Vegeta! You have mail!"

"Who the hell would send me anything?"

"Open it up and see."

"Fine." Pause. "It has something to do with Kakka..rot…to…WHAT IN THE HELL!"

The End

A/N: I meant no offence to any writers of Vegeta x Gokou or Gokou x Vegeta fics. (Just thought I would stem off any attacks.)


	3. Lesson: Marriage

Disclaimer: I do not own nor have I ever owned Dragonball/Z/GT or any of its characters. They belong to Akira Toriyama. I am making no money from writing this.

Author's Notes: I've had this written for over a week. I've had zero free time so I took what little time I had to proof read. I also had to go back and make a minor rewrite or two since there had been some parts I hadn't been all that happy with yet. I don't like posting anything until I'm sure it is done and revised more than once. I hope you enjoy.

Remember to review. Constructive criticism is accepted. If you want to flame me then flame me. I don't really care.

Warnings: Yaoi, Shounen-ai, M/M relationships, Language, Mature humor, Immature humor

Lessons for the Yaoi/Shounen-ai Writer

Raidne the Silent Siren

Lesson: 3

Vegeta stands behind the desk scowling. He doesn't want to be here but he has a point to make. In fact, he won't wait for the class to begin. He turns to the class. Behind him is a chalkboard that reads: Lessons for the Yaoi/Shounen-ai Writer. Underneath that message are the words "No Talking!" and they are underlined several times.

"I'm going to keep this short and to the point," he begins. A foolish student raises her hand. "First rule: No questions. If you interrupt to ask something you will be forcefully removed from the classroom." The hand quickly lowers. 

A student in the back says something to the point of Vegeta could remove her anywhere he wanted. The girl in the desk next to her just gives her an odd look.

Vegeta glares at the whispering students. "There will be no talking while I am speaking, or even breathing for that matter. There is nothing that you need to know besides what I'm going to tell you, and there is nothing that you could say that I would find the least bit interesting or would even want to hear."

Everyone in the class is sitting quietly. Each is too afraid to ask what today's lesson is or why they are starting before 5:00 which is the normal time for this class.

"You will listen to everything I say, and you will act on any orders I give you." He suddenly looks very annoyed. He stares at something at the back of the room with loathing.

The students have been sitting with their faces forward obediently and their hands on top of their desks. They were too scared to make any sudden movements. Now that something seems to have captured Vegeta's attention they feel it is safe to turn and see what it is.

There in the corner. A student's hand is raised. All fellow students in her near vicinity quickly try to move their desks a couple of feet away from her without drawing the Prince's attention.

Vegeta just glares at the girl without speaking. A few more desks suddenly begin moving. Each of these desks was originally sitting between Vegeta and this foolish insect of a student. There is now a clear path between the two. The girl looks nervous and lowers her hand but opens her mouth to speak as she does so.

Vegeta's scowl deepens.

"Uh, sir, I thought that this class was supposed to make suggestions and encouragements to writers," she began tentatively.

Vegeta gave her a look that clearly said 'what kind of idiot are you?'. "Do I strike you as the _encouraging _type?"

"N-no sir."

"Then why in the hell did you interrupt me?"

"Uh…"

"Leave."

The girl's eyes go wide. She looks around the classroom for support from the other students but each of them has found something on the wall, ceiling, floor, or carved into the desks to interest them. She begins to sniffle when no support is forth coming.

"But-"

"Now."

Tears are now streaming down the girl's face as she slowly pulls herself out of her desk to stand.

"Quickly," Vegeta growls as his patience begins to slip. "I don't have all day."

She bolts for the door. Her cries echoing behind her. As the door slams shut, Vegeta turns to the class. "Any other questions?" He scans the terrified faces quickly before returning to his lecture. It is so silent that you could still hear the cries from the now expelled student. No one dared raise their hands again.

*********

In another part of the building, three people sit watching the security monitors in front of them.

"Your dad certainly has a way with the students."

"I just hope he doesn't kill anyone."

"I wonder why he seems angrier than normal?" asks a third voice.

"I haven't the foggiest idea," the first voice replies.

"Juunana…" the second voice says warningly.

"Yes, Trunks?"

"What did you do with those fics about Dad and Gokou?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Remember when you told me that you got rid of them," the third voice says helpfully.

"…Shut up Goten."

**********

Vegeta has continued with his lecture. "I think it goes without saying that if even one of you considers firing any spit and or paper projectiles anywhere near me that it will be the last thing you do." Everyone in the class nods nervously. There are a few girls in the back that are sobbing quietly.

Vegeta stands at the front of the class room for a few moments as he tries to think of anything he has left out. Deciding he'll just eject or blast anyone that tries to bother him, he decides to start today's lecture.

"Today's subject, and the only really important one, is on making realistic couples." He glares at the class. "For starters I am MARRIED to Bulma Briefs. I would never, in this world or the next, be with that imbecile Kakkarotto!" He has uncrossed his arms while speaking. His clenched fists are now straight down his sides. His expression dares anyone to offer herself as a sacrifice to his wrath and contradict him.

The intercom on the wall suddenly crackles to life.

A voice comes out of the speaker. It sets Vegeta into a cold rage. The loyal Juunana fan girls begin to swoon; momentarily forgetting the danger they are still in.

__

"What about all of the Alternate Universe fics? You know, the ones where Bulma is dead and you're a free man again."

"_Both _of us are married!" Vegeta begins to shout and glare at the intercom. The sound on the security cameras must have been on because Juunana heard his reply.

__

"So if neither of you were married you would-"

__

"Don't worry Dad. I've taken the microphone away from him," says a new voice over the intercom.

"Trunks?" Vegeta looks confused for a moment. "Which one are you?"

__

"It's Mirai Trunks, Dad."

"Shut him up somehow so I can finish."

__

"Uh, sure."

"Anyway," he draws the class's attention back to him. They had been looking back and forth between the intercom and their teacher like a crowd at a tennis match. "Try to use common sense, even though I'm sure none of you have any, while writing. For example, if a man is shown dating or married to a _woman _then if follows that they must be straight…."

**********

In the security room, life goes on.

Mirai Trunks releases the button that allows his voice to be heard in the classroom that his father is teaching in. He then looks over to Juunana who is being held against the wall with Mirai's free hand as a way of keeping the microphone out of his reach.

Juunana smirks at him. "So, what exactly are you going to do to keep my mouth busy?"

Goten looks back and forth between the other two occupants of the room. The stare they are sharing reminds him of the way his father would stare at an all you can eat buffet. He quickly sets the popcorn they had been eating on the floor. He leaves his chair and turns to walk out the door.

Goten then quickly returns to the room and picks up the discarded bowl of popcorn. It wasn't like those two were going to need it. Then he leaves.

As he hears the door close, Mirai Trunks places the mike on the desk next to him and uses the other hand to pull the smirking android to him.

**********

"…for example neither of my sons has dated many girls but that doesn't mean-"

Vegeta's lecture is cut off by sounds coming from the intercom again. The noises were obviously not meant to be heard. Everyone in the room stares at the intercom. Vegeta can actually feel it as all of the blood drains out of his face. Somewhere in the room a pencil falls from nerveless fingers and clinks against the tiles of the floor. No one notices.

__

"…Trunks…."

Vegeta stares wordlessly at the intercom. Slowly his left eyebrow begins to twitch. It gains speed as a vein in his forehead begins to bulge. No one notices.

He points at the intercom; his finger is shaking from rage. Actually his entire body is shaking from rage. "Keep you filthy hands off of my son, you damn android!"

**********

__

"Keep you filthy hands off of my son, you damn android!"

In the security room, two pairs of eyes suddenly sprang open and two sets of hands stilled. Both individuals hold very still for a few seconds. Slowly they move their eyes to stare at one of the near by monitors. On it they can see a classroom. In the class room desks are piled and smashed against one wall, as though a giant hand had come through and shoved them aside. The students aren't fairing much better than their desks. Where Vegeta had stood there is just a scorch mark on the floor.

Juunana and Mirai Trunks look at each other again without saying anything. Then they look down at the desk. Juunana had leaned against the button for the microphone. They look at each other again.

They open their mouths at the same time.

"Oh shit."

That was when a nearby wall exploded.

**********

"Trunks?"

"Hmm?" The present day Trunks doesn't look up from where he's pulling out his lunch. Both he and Goten are in his office at Capsule Corp. Trunks is behind his desk and choosing to ignore the paperwork that he had promised his mother he would get to once he had finished with a meeting.

"Remember how I had wanted to tell our families about us?"

"Yeah." Trunks bites into his sandwich.

"I think we can wait longer. In fact, we don't have to tell your father ever."

Trunks just grins as he chews. After swallowing, he asks, "So how much damage was done?"

"You know Armageddon?"

"Yeah?"

"It was worse then that."

Trunks groans. "We just managed to get everything fixed after my fight with Mirai."

Goten suddenly chokes on his own lunch. He eventually manages to swallow. "Fight? You call that a fight?"

"Shut up, Goten."

"I mean, you got your butt handed-"

"You can stop talking at any time." If looks could kill, Goten would have been on a slab. He decides it is time to stop teasing Trunks and finish his lunch.

A few minutes pass in silence.

"There's something I don't get."

Goten throws away a greasy fast food bag. "What?"

"Shouldn't there have been another teacher there with Dad?"

**********

Trunks doesn't know it, but he's right. There should have been another teacher there. I've found out what has happened to that missing teacher. It wasn't easy though. I had to search, pry, blackmail, bribe, and do extensive research into black holes and the chaos theory. When none of those worked, I begged. Baba is a stiff negotiator.

Earlier that very day, Gokou stood staring uncomprehendingly at a letter in his hand. While this wasn't an unusual expression for him, it is still enough to catch the attention of his oldest son who was dropping off his daughter at her grandparents.

"Hey Dad," Gohan said. He had left Pan with his mother so she would be fine for a while. "What's up?"

"Hey Gohan." He turned and smiled at his son. "Guess what. I've been asked to teach a class!"

Gohan just stared at his father for a few moments. 

"Teach a class?" 

His father nodded.

"You?"

Another nod.

"A martial arts class?" Gohan ventured.

"No."

"Oh," Gohan's expression couldn't possibly get more incredulous.

"Gohan," Gokou looked confused again, "I was wondering if you knew what 'Yaoi' and 'Shounen-ai' were?"

"_What_?"

"Why is your face turning so red, Gohan?"


	4. Lesson: Asexuality

Disclaimer: DBZ and it's characters do not belong to me. I'm merely borrowing them.

Author's Notes: I know. I know. It's been a while. But don't you feel better knowing that I haven't completely forgotten about you.

* * *

Lessons for the Yaoi/Shounen-ai Writer

Raidne the Silent Siren

Lesson: 4

Every student in the class is staring at their two new teachers. None of them could honestly say that they had ever expected to see either of these two cross this room's threshold. Some of the students try not to ogle the taller of the two while others try not to giggle at the blush staining the shorter teacher's cheeks.

Piccolo and Dende stand in front of a black board that reassures any concerned students that they haven't wandered into the wrong classroom. "Lessons for the Yaoi/Shounen-ai Writer" is written on the board. Dende is staring at his feet as though he wishes that the floor would open up and swallow him. Piccolo is glaring at the back wall. The look on his face saying clearly that he will have absolutely no part in what his going on around him.

Dende begins to stammer. "Um...we've been asked...to teach today's class."

Several hands suddenly shoot into the air. Piccolo sighs. "Yes. We are asexual. Yes. You are in the right room."

The hands drop again except for one particular arm that continues to wave around in an agitated manner.

Piccolo groans, "No. We are not open to experimentation and no you may not try to convince us to have that changed."

The arm lowers.

Piccolo seems to think that he's used up his daily allotted words and remains silent. Dende shifts on his feet nervously until he decides his companion has no intention of starting things off.

He stares at the floor as he starts, "You already know where you are so I'll just start off with today's lesson." He blushes brightly and doesn't bother with trying to hide the embarrassed expression he has on his face. "I'm supposed to explain to you how to write a realistic story with an asexual character."

Piccolo gives a snort of disdain.

Dende shoots him an annoyed glance. "Piccolo, if you would like to take over, I would be more than happy to let you."

Piccolo promptly quieted.

"Alright then." Dende pulled out his best stubborn face and did his best to stand as his full height. It didn't do much good since he was standing next to someone like Piccolo. "Does anyone know what asexual means?" A few people raise their hands.

"No one?" The hands begin to wave in the air. "I guess I should just continue then."

Piccolo looks mildly impressed by the rudeness that was just displayed by his height challenged friend.

"Asexual does not just mean that we are not female. It means that we are neither male nor female. We have no sexual organs. Nope. Not a one. Nothing down there. Nadda..."

"I think they get the point," Piccolo growls. There is a visible twitch coming from a vein over his right eyebrow.

A few girls are now wearing strange expressions while the rest are still trying to visibly wrap their minds around that fact that the world's guardian is standing in front of them and talking about yaoi of all things. What does this say about the state of the world?

* * *

"The depressing thing is, that this may not be the strangest thing I've ever seen." 

"That says something about you."

"Kiss my ass, Juunana."

"Get in line."

* * *

"To summarize we are not male or female." 

"Yes. We are not capable of those....those......things!" The last word was said in disgust and a flurry of arms by Dende.

Piccolo sighs. This isn't going well.

"I think you catch the gist of everything we were going to teach today, so get lost."

Everyone in the classroom stares at Piccolo. Class has only been in session for maybe five minutes.

"Do I have to call Vegeta!"

The room emptied.

"Well.............do you want to get a drink?" asks Dende.

* * *

Goten glances at his watch. Both he and Juunana are in their usual spots in the security room. He curses under her his breath. 

"Told you their session would be the shortest," chuckles Juunana.

"Fine. I owe you twenty bucks." Goten gets up to leave. "Seriously though, who would trust Piccolo with any more students. I mean, look at the emotional damage he did to my brother."

Author's Notes: I know it's short. Let's be honest though. Look who the teachers are.


End file.
